Tuesday 30 October 2012

Jewish Mums- A reality show for the 21st century?


There are several competitors, each one righteous and courageous in their own ways. Each one has had their faith tested and each one has been faced with difficult decisions.
The first one is Eve. Her and her partner Adam have been thrust together but have created this idyllic paradise in which they live. They are completely comfortable with each other and are happy to be isolated. However, Eve is an impressionable young woman, she is easily led astray by others and  at times seems incapable of making decisions on her own and then taking responsibility for them. Eve has two sons that do not get along, one is jealous of the other and there seems to be an unhealthy amount of resentment between the members of the  household.
The second competitor is called Sara. She is an interesting woman who is one of those 'older' mothers. Basically, she waited so long to have a child that when she finally gave births to a son, she was besotted by him. Her husband has another son from a previous relationship and Sara is anxious that her son maintains his position as the Favourite. If she had it her way her husband would have no contact with his firstborn.
Hagar is our third contestant and this is where our world reveals a web of connections. Hagar is the former partner of Sara's husband. She works tirelessly for her son to maintain a relationship with his father. Sometimes Hagar gets depressed as she fears for her son's future when he clearly lacks a positive male role model. She tries to do the job of two parents but this is sometimes to no avail.
Rebecca is the next candidate. Demure and poised Rebecca seems to be the young woman that others want to be. Kind hearted and with a generous spirit it seems as though Rebecca is wise beyond her years. She married her husband after a whirlwind romance and became pregnant with twins quite quickly. As a mother Rebecca changes somewhat as she cannot help but favour her youngest twin. He is studious and and respectful of her whereas her eldest son is much more of a boyish boy and has a great relationship with his father. Rebecca wants her youngest to be in favour with her husband and will Do whatever it takes for that to happen.
Rachel and Leah are sisters and although they get on we'll they have committed the crime of falling in love with the same man. This man cannot decide between them and although he loves Rachel more he maintains a relationship with Leah. He has over a dozen children with four different partners. He too has his favourites and this leads to untold jealousy and resentment and fighting between the brothers.
These women have a point of view and they stick to it. These women want the best for their children (some of them anyway) and like any Jewish mum will do whatever it takes to help their children progress in life. Although in some cases, their actions to some might be seen as deplorable but are they wicked people? Not really, just a little misunderstood.
In recent weeks many Jewish women across the UK have been both appalled and entertained by channel 4's 'Jewish mum of the year'. I have found it cringeworthy at times and like many others have questioned the wisdom of the Jewish news and the contestants in taking part in a programme that in many cases reinforces stereotypes, shows Judaism as a religion without depth and has taken the most extreme personalities and put them together and waited for the fireworks to begin. ( contrived TV more than reality TV me thinks). However, what the programme has also shown is the strength of Jewish women, regardless of their religious affiliation, their marital status and the number of children they have produced ad most importantly, all are proud of their Jewish roots (otherwise they wouldn't be on the show in the first place.)
Like the book of Genesis that we are currently reading on Shabbat, the show is like a soap opera with a balanced amount of tension, rivalry, laughs and tears. The protagonists might not be the role models that we are looking for in the Jewish community but then again Anat Hoffman, Laura Marks and Elaine Sacks organising a Jewish Care outing to West-cliff might not make compulsive viewing!

Thursday 11 October 2012

A post card from Egypt


We have just returned from twelve days in Sharm-El-Sheikh. It was our first holiday together for nearly eighteen months and the plan was totally Jewish... To eat, drink (diet coke and bottled water), lie  in the sun and be waited on. within 40 minutes of our plane landing in the Sinai wilderness we were checking into the Hilton and being shown to our upgraded suite ( being a relative of Mister Ben in these parts has untold benefits!) and immediately started the holiday process of relaxation.
The next twelve days followed a very similar pattern. Breakfast followed by the morning at the water-slide pool. Lunch followed by a sleep for the boys and an hours quiet reading by the pool a stones throw from our hotel room the afternoon ended with a snorkel in the Red Sea and watching the sun set with apple juice and water in the pool bar. The day ended with dinner followed by ice cream in Soho Square and a visit to the mini disco.
Friends of mine were surprised that we were visiting Egypt. Why are you going to an Arab country even my most liberal friends would ask? "It's about £1500 less than a trip to Eilat and Israel" my husband would grumpily respond. "They hate the Israeli's" people would tell me... "So do the extremists in the UK" was my response. The fact that Israel and Egypt have been living in relative peace my entire lifetime seemed lost on a huge number of people. The fact that the revolution and the moderate violence that took place in Cairo was  practically a day trip away was also lost on people who were warning me to stay away from large crowds.
Throughout our holiday we spoke to a number of holidaymakers who were returning to Sharm for the umpteenth time. Why were they returning agin and again? The service, the friendliness, the reef and the weather all formed part of their answers.
For me, as a person with the tendency to over think and as a lover of people watching and wondering I spent time on the holiday wondering about the people who were at my beck and call. Amongst a huge staff, there were only two Egyptian women. In fact there were relatively few women on show throughout my time in Egypt. as someone for whom gender equality plays an integral part of my work I was concerned about the role of women. what kind of country that professed to be modern would have such a male dominated industry? It actually got me thinking about the economics of Sharm. Tourism and the Suez makes Egypt a comparatively  wealthy country in the Arab world. Over 39% of Egypt's hotels are in Sharm. Over 95% of Sharm tourist workers come from other parts of Egypt. The working conditions at first glance are horrendous. Our waiter started worked at 7am and finished at 10.30pm. He worked everyday for a month and then had ten days off (during which time he returned to Cairo to see his mum!) his pay was about £25 a week (apparently that is much higher than Cairo wages) not including tips and he got board, food and transport to Cairo and back. He firmly  believed that he was one of the lucky ones. Most waiters were young men who considered themselves to be the lucky ones. I was aghast and indignant for a while on their behalf. The loneliness and isolation they must of felt was unthinkable. The long hours and little pay, the shared living quarters screamed exploitation to me and within a few days of the holiday I was determined that this would be my last trip to Egypt. However, less than a week later my views changed as I realised I was thinking about exploitation In the context of my life, not theirs. Whilst I couldn't imagine working thirty days in a row in shifts of approximately fifteen hours for a paltry amount our waiters saw it as an opportunity. The very reason I declared that I would stay away is now the very reason I want to go back. These people were warm and friendly and couldn't do enough for us. My children fell in love with Samy the MaitreD and Adriano our waiter and I think they fell a little a bit in love with our boys. Over twelve days they became part of our Egyptian family and within that we got to experience the warmth, optimism and reality of being an Egyptian. The Egyptian people have been through a lot over the past two years but there was a mood of optimism amongst those that we met. Inordinately proud of who they are and how far they've come. We are often told that we should model exemplary behaviour for those Arab countries embracing change. After two weeks in Egypt I'm not sure we need to.