You choose

My kids have a book called You Choose[1]. The book gives the reader a choice of where they want to go, who their friends and family are, where they want to live and what they want to put in their homes, what food they want to eat, what they want to work as and what they want to do in their spare time, what pets they want and where they want to sleep. The book illustrates to me, the differences between my boys; Sammy chooses to live in the toadstool every time whilst Oliver’ choices vary between the castle, mansion (the house with lots of rooms) and tree house. Sammy always wants to eat Spaghetti Bolognaise whereas Oliver goes for the cake, jelly and ice-cream. Sammy wants a pet unicorn and Oliver in recent weeks has graduated from the dragon to a more practical (and perhaps more realistic) hamster.

In some ways I love and hate the book. I hate the fact that we have to read it practically every day, that Sammy is stubborn about his choices and that Oliver no longer wants a princess as his friend because in his words; “I’m a boy and boys don’t like princesses”. However, what I love about the book far outweighs what I hate. I love the fact that the book has become aspirational to the boys. Both boys want to be a pilot, want to ride in a space rocket and want to score a goal at the world cup. The book allows them to be whatever they want to be and do whatever they want to do. There are no limits.

What would it be like to live a life with no limits? To live in a world where all five year olds were able to travel into space, where all seven year olds could go to Cinderella’s ball, where no teenager suffered from acne or social awkwardness, a world where all A-level students could go to university without worrying about lifelong debt, to be certain of a job upon graduation, to be certain of finding a life partner, of having children easily and bringing them up safely and securely.

If we lived in a world with no limits, would we be any happier? Probably not. Knowing my limits and trying to conquer them makes me happy. I am in control of my own destiny. I know I won’t be living in a toadstool but I am going to do what I can to make myself happy and my life fulfilling.

There are two things that I think is true of everyone. No one is born lucky or unlucky and everyone has a mission in their lives to fulfil.  Of course there are people who have terrible things happen to them and we empathise with them and say they’re unlucky. When my mother died people said how unlucky I was. My attitude was that I was lucky enough to know it was coming and say everything I wanted to say. Not everyone has that opportunity.

Choices, destiny and luck; is there a difference? I believe so. I don’t think luck really exists. We make our own luck, it’s not lucky to be offered a great job, you worked hard for it, it’s not lucky to go on holiday and have great weather, it’s the weather patterns. Our destiny is something that is predetermined, the realisation that our world is greater than just the here and now, it’s the contribution we make to our family, our community and our society. Choices. That we have full ownership of. When we face barriers, it’s our choice about whether to dismantle them or find another route. When we are unhappy, we can choose to bring about a change to that situation which brings about a return to our happiness. When we are told no, we must choose to find out why and use that to move forward. Everyday, we make choices, big ones, small ones, ones which will have no impact on others, ones which will change everything.

Sometimes I wish I was five years old again when the choices amounted to whether to live in a castle or a tree house, whether to have cheese or quorn sandwiches in my packed lunch or what fruit to choose at snack time. Life was definitely simpler then. But the fact is today, even as I enter my mid thirties, I still believe that we have the power to make positive choices about the way we live and learn from the consequences of making the wrong choices. We are in control. I think the biggest weakness and our biggest challenge is not making a choice at all and staying on the fence because we are fearful of the consequence of that choice. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and there is nothing weak about making choices. The weakness lies in those who don’t make any choices or those who would rather shout at the world for being unfair, than be proactive about making a choice.

2012 is a year in Britain for being part of history; The Olympics and the Jubilee have made us want to be a part of history. I wonder this year how many of us will be conscious about the choices we make and about writing or rewriting our own history?

---

[1] You Choose, Nick Sharrett, Pippa Goodhart, Random House publishing

Kristallnacht- May 2012

The night of broken glass was the moment in Nazi Germany that changed things for German Jews. Not that thing’s hadn't been bad before; but Kristallnacht showed German Jews that their future in Germany was doomed. The orchestrated violence was sanctioned by the Nazi government openly and without fear of condemnation from its neighbours. In terms of Kristallnacht, the rest they say is history.

Fast forward seventy-four years and what do we see on Wednesday night in Tel-Aviv? The wanton destruction of property, increased talk about foreigners threatening Israel’s social fabric and national security (said by the ‘mainstream’ Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu) and talk of deportations. Deportations. The Jewish world should shudder when hearing the word deportations as seventy years ago the term meant something very different.

So why has this group of nationalist Israeli’s forgotten the very events that led to the establishment of their state?  There are currently approximately 60,000 African refugees living in Israel (About 1% of the population). They are mostly from Sudan and Eritrea and have paid exorbitant amount to be smuggled into Israel; a state that was founded on the premise of being a tolerant and just society. Israel however sees up to 90% them as economic migrants. This is in sharp contrast to the UK where over two thirds of Sudanese and Eritrean migrants are granted refugee status.  Israeli newspapers such as the Jerusalem Post have suggested that the migrants have taken over neighbourhoods and harass women and have shown no willingness to conform to Israeli society. However, history shows that it’s only second generation migrants that really adopt their new country’s culture and values, the first generation are too busy setting everything up to conform. After all how many of our great grandparents spoke anything other than Yiddish?

Israel is not the first country to have issues over immigration. Throughout Europe and the USA immigration issues are often on the agenda and are often used as a cover by extreme groups to gain the respect of the mainstream voter. Is that what has happened in Israel? Has settler leader Baruch Marzel climbed in the anti-immigration bandwagon to deflect attention away from the continued expansion of settlements in the West Bank? Has Likud MK and former IDF spokesperson, Miri Regev, who described illegal immigrants as a "cancer in our society”, done so to try and increase her notoriety and move up the party list? The motive of these politicians to speak in such a pejorative and racial manner does not need to be called into question because there is nothing acceptable about a crowd of people screaming ‘blacks out’. It is not acceptable in any country but especially in Israel, by a people with such a strong history of persecution. Leviticus 19:34 states “The stranger who resides with you shall be to you one of your citizens; you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” Perhaps this group of protestors need to go back to their bible.

Bar Kochba and the brazen foxes

We currently have a family of foxes living in our back garden. Two adult foxes (who we are presuming are the mum and dad) and six of their cubs are currently living under the decking at the back of our garden. Between 4-7pm everyday they are outside, playing on the trampoline or just lolling about in the late afternoon sunshine. (The irony is that we built the decking so we could take advantage of the late afternoon and evening sunshine so at least someone is getting use out of it!). In the course of the invasion I’ve learnt several things about these urban warriors. Firstly, they aren’t considered pests so the council won’t get rid of them, secondly, for a fox to have six cubs is very rare and thirdly they are the most brazen animal I think I have ever seen. They simply have no fear of us and have been frequently gaining the upper hand in the staring competition that my family engage in every evening. So, I’ve concluded that we just have to accept that they’re there and hope they soon decide that they’ve had enough and move on.

The head of the fox family reminds me of that famous Judean warrior, Shimon Bar Kochba who was a leader of a rebellion in Judaea against the Romans in the second century. He was the commander of a revolt that began when the Emperor Hadrian broke a promise that he would rebuild a temple for Jews on the site of the destroyed second temple. As this promise failed to materialise the remaining Jews in Judaea sought to overthrow the Romans. The rebellion lasted three years and was not a success. Many historians believe that it was this revolt that finally led to the collapse of ancient Israel and the dispersal of Jews into the Diaspora.

In spite of early successes the rebels were defeated by the Romans. The ringleaders were caught and severely punished and surviving Jews sold into slavery and sent to other parts of the Roman Empire. So, why did the rebellion fail? Bar Kochba was referred to by Rabbi Akiva, as the ‘son of a star’[1] and it was thought that Bar Kochba was the messiah. So, what changed?

Jewish sources estimate that Bar Kochba had over 10,000 fighters in his rebel army. He was clearly recognised as a great leader and had the support of learned rabbis as well as all the different factions of Jews that lived at the time. However, The sages believe they lost because they were too arrogant[2]. Having tasted victory they adopted the attitude of, "by my strength and my valour I did this." (Deut. 8:17)

Bar Kochba’s failure was that he started to believe in his own hype. He heard people calling him the Messiah. Certainly, if Rabbi Akiva thought so, then he had the potential to be Israel's Ultimate Leader. He also became corrupted by his power and even beat his uncle, the great Rabbi Elazar HaModai, to death, having accepted false accusations that he was a Roman spy. Because of these faults he began to lose battles and was forced into retreat. Whether you feel that Shimon Bar Kochba is a great leader or not, the evidence that he wanted Jews in Judaea to live independently and practice freely shows that at the beginning he cared about his people and their destiny.

So, back to the fox family currently making the Juggler back garden their home. Mama Fox (at least that’s what I call her) is bar Kochba in a nutshell. Brazen, a great leader (those cubs never step out of line) and is staying her ground. Her followers are inspired by her brazenness, cunningness and rebelliousness. They don’t care about the noise we make, they aren’t bothered by the anti-animal spray. They aren’t bothered that whenever we have visitors to our house between 4-7pm, the boys drag them to the back door to show them our ‘guests’... they have simply decided that they like the look of our place and for the meantime, that’s where they are going to stay. I, on the other hand hope they continue to be like Bar Kochba and start to believe they are invincible. And then I will put my plan of defence into place. (Not that I know what it is yet so any ideas will be gratefully received!)




[1] Bar Kochba's success caused many to believe that he could be the Messiah. He was nicknamed "Bar Kochba" or "Son of Star," an allusion to a verse in the Book of Numbers (24:17): "there shall come a star out of Jacob." This star is understood to refer to the Messiah.


[2] This is mention in a discussion in the Talmud ta’anit 4:5

Have many friends do I have?

I didn't join facebook until 2009 so was quite a late starter in the social media world. At first I thought it was because I didn't want to get back in touch with those who were no longer part of my life. Then I thought it was because it wasn't necessary to let people know that my left knee had turned purple because I had walked into a filing cabinet the previous day. Then I worried about my house being burgled if I announced on fb that I was enjoying two weeks in the Maldives and then I worried about strangers looking at photos of my children. When I did eventually sign up it was almost by accident. A parent at work complained that a youth leader had posted something on facebook about a youth event. To find the said comment I had to set up an account and without even knowing it my relationship with facebook began.

So what do I use facebook for? Well, on Sunday it was a great way to connect with one of my oldest and dearest friends. Her daughter was having a tantrum in Westfield and she had posted a photo of it on said website. I was stuck in a traffic jam queuing to get into Westfield, saw the photo, phoned her straight away and we met up for a good catch up.

I also use the said website to connect with friends that I had in my misspent youth. Many a facebook status has been spent reminiscing about Jimmy Saville impressions, bar brawls and camping by the Dead Sea that was part of my year course experience.

The said website also became a way for two of my friends to announce the birth of their children. In fact, when I noticed that one heavily pregnant friend had stopped updating her status regarding her swollen ankles I wondered if she had actually gone into labour. ‘No such luck’ she texted me back, ‘wireless on phone’s not working properly’

Facebook has appealed to my voyeuristic side as well. Why has Benjamin ________ checked into the airport in Vancouver; where is he going? What does Katherine____ mean when she says she is having a bad day? FB is an ideal way to find out what people are up to and how they’re feeling. It enables charities and businesses to spread their message and it is one step to making the world that little bit smaller.

So, the question is; is Facebook harmless? In some senses it absolutely is but I do have one concern and this is something that has been on my mind for a while. To what extent are the friends we are sharing information with, actually our friends? One parent told me a couple of weeks ago that her daughter (who is about to go on Israel tour) now has 1,000 fb friends. That is 1,000 people knowing that she is nervous about her forthcoming drama exam, that she is delighted to be on tour 2 and that she is looking forward to her friend sleepover at the weekend because the said friend’s parents are away. Are these 1,000 friends going to wish her luck and tell her she’s amazing at drama? Are they going to tell her that tour 2 is indeed the tour to be on? Are they going to turn up at the sleepover? Who knows? The parent wasn’t delighted that their child was so popular but was concerned that the 1,000 friends were people she didn’t know and people her daughter barely knew. But although she barely knew them, they knew that she loved listening to glee on Spotify, that she supports spurs (kind of) and that she is a big fan of One Tree Hill. Is this OK?

As a parent of children who have not yet discovered facebook do I become one of those parents who ban their children from it and hope that they don’t then develop this secret life? Do I allow my children to enter the world of social media expecting that they make sensible decisions regarding giving out personal information; Or do I just close my eyes and hope for the best?

I suppose, the facebook issue and friends issue is an issue that should be discussed at ante-natal classes. It is OK to want to punch the child who snatched your child’s favourite toy at the toddler group (as long as you don’t actually do it). It is OK to want to follow your children into school on their first day and ensure that they eat all their lunch without you having to negotiate the nature of desert should they eat all their vegetables. Is it OK to cry when your children go off to camp for the first time (although not in front of them) and it is OK to insist that you know who your children’s friends are. My parents used to insist that they would pick me up rather than let me get a taxi and when I started driving they insisted that I had to call them if I was going to be later than a certain time (obviously the one time I didn’t they were sitting anxiously at the bottom of the stairs obviously wondering what ditch I was lying in!) And although I resented it at the time, in hindsight their behaviour was completely normal and OK.  I will be happy to pick my kids up from a party at midnight because it will mean that I know where they are.

In the world of social media and virtual community, we are more worried about our children than ever. However, that doesn’t mean we have to hark back to the simpler days of when we were young or just pretend that this world that your child is a part of doesn’t exist. What we must do is protect them and urge them to express caution when revealing information about themselves online. But what else should we do? Ensure we do exactly the same.

At the next election I will...

Last Thursday, I didn’t vote. I could wax lyrical about my vote being wasted, about not wanting to vote for the lesser of two evils and about Epping Forest being a safe council, but the truth is that I didn’t vote because I simply couldn’t be bothered. We had it all worked out, the kids were off school as their school had been turned into a polling station so we were going to walk down to the polling station and try to explain to them what all the fuss was about and then vote. However, firstly it rained so we didn’t walk, secondly I worked late and it then took me two hours to get home from work so by the time I got home I was tired and in a bad mood; in short no mood to vote!

Would I have voted if it was a general election? Maybe. Would I have voted if it was a Ken Versus Boris character showdown? Maybe. Obviously I don’t know and only time will tell. But I wasn’t the only one who clearly just didn’t have the interest or passion to vote. Last Thursday’s turnout was the lowest in 12 years, only 33%. How this contrasted to news at the weekend from the French election where just under 80% turned up to vote for either Nicholas Sarkozy or Francois Hollande. It was a two horse race and one that would determine the economic and social direction of the country over the next five years.

So are the French just more passionate about their politics? Are they optimistic? Do they think their world is going to change because they have a new President?  Are they just ever hopeful that their lives will get better? Maybe there are more differences between us and our European partners than we like to think. So where do we go from here? David Cameron and Nick Clegg have declared that they are sorry about the state of our country and they will try harder in future. Ed Milliband on the other hand, and declared victory and that the people have spoken. ‘Really Ed?’ I shouted at the TV on Friday, ‘Do you really think that victory is yours when only a third of people actually voted? Do you really think that the British people have given you a mandate to rule?’ The British people only told you that they couldn’t be bothered and that the vote wasn’t important enough.

So, the question is what will make the vote important enough to make the effort, to interrupt our busy lives and actually get our backsides down to the polling station and cast our votes? One of the great things about the French election was the fact that every vote counted. Every single person who voted actually helped Hollande to victory and Sarkozy to defeat. Every single person went to the ballot box and cast their vote knowing it would be counted. Even those who spoilt their ballot papers to show that no candidate met their requirements still turned up at their polling station. The way that the French felt compelled to participate in their political process is admirable and for the first time, I actually feel we have a great deal to learn from our cousins across the channel.

So where am I going with this? I can only make apologies to Emily Davison and my mother for not voting. I can only promise that I will, in spite of my tiredness and arguments with the north circular that I will vote next time around. But what do I want in return? My list is quite small but important (i think)

I want candidates with creditability. I don’t care if my representatives went to Eton, lives in a Victorian house backing onto Clapham Common, or if their father was a university professor anymore than if their father was a coal miner, they grew up in an estate in Tottenham or they are a single parent. What I want them to be is honest. when they are struggling; I want to know about it. When they are unsure of what to do for the best, I want to know about it. I want my politicians to be normal human beings who laugh and cry when watching TV, who give their kids a happy meal occasionally.

If you can find me this representative... I’ll promise I’ll vote next time!

If I was born 100 years ago in mainland Europe, what type of Jew would I be?

I would be 21 years old when Hitler became Chancellor of Germany, perhaps just graduated from university. I would be deciding on my future career... would I have gone into education? Would I have wanted to change the world and enable young people to add value to their lives through getting good qualifications? Would I have been engaged in a Jewish youth movement? Would I have belonged to Hashomer Hatza’ir, the oldest Jewish youth movement, or perhaps Poalei Zion? Would I have been a Zionist and made plans to emigrate to Palestine?

Would I have gone to synagogue services regularly?  Would they have been orthodox services or progressive services? Would I have lived in a cosmopolitan European city like Berlin, Vienna or Prague? Or would I have lived in a small Jewish community such as Uhrineves in Czechoslovakia or Baranovich in the USSR?

How would have I defined myself? Would being Jewish be important to me or would my nationalist identity come first? Would I have seen myself as a Jewish German or a German Jew? Would I have been nervous about Hitler’s rise to power or dismissed him as a madman? Would I have stayed away from Jewish businesses for fear of implicating myself? Would I have made sure I shopped in ‘Jewish’ stores to give those shopkeepers a much needed boost? Would I have worried when I lost my job teaching in a non Jewish school or been stripped of my gym membership? Would I have been excited about the Olympic Games? Would I have tried to leave Europe in 1938 when it was clear things were not going to get better anytime soon? Would I have been one of the 90,000 Jews arrested and sent to concentration camps during Kristallnacht? Would I have been cheered at the thought of Britain declaring war on Germany? Would I have been proud or embarrassed to wear a yellow star?

Would I be happy to pack my bags and be relocated to a ghetto? A small overcrowded area where deprivation and disease were widespread? Would I have profiteered from ghetto life and smuggled food into the ghetto and resold it an inflated price? Would I have resorted to crime to try to feed my family? Would I have joined the resistance movement? Would I become a member of the Judenrat and collaborate with Nazi officials in the belief it might save me? Would I have been happy to be used as slave labour?

When ordered to relocate to the East would I have just packed my bags? Would I have got on cattle truck happily believing that things couldn’t get worse than the ghetto? Would I have believed the rumours of extermination? Would I have survived up to three days with no food or drink on the way to an unknown destination?  

Would I have been sent to the left or the right? If I was sent to the left, at what point would I realise what was going on? Would it be when I had my head shaved? Would it be when I looked around and realised that most of the people with me were the infirm, elderly or children? Would it be when I saw that the soap was really stone? Would it be the moment the iron doors were closed..?

If I was sent to the right would I have been given a job that would have guaranteed me survival? Would I be a musician? Would I be a maid in Mengele’s household? Would my fingers been suitable to work in an armament factory? Would the Nazi’s be fooled by my poor sowing skills and put me to work fixing Nazi uniforms?

Would I have survived the meagre rations, the typhus and the constant selections? Would I have thrown myself against the electrified barbed wire having lost all hope? Would I still believe in God?

WOULD I SURVIVE?

I don’t know the answer to any of these questions but when I think about the Shoah, I cannot help but think that the 6 million Jews were unlucky enough to be victims of the world they lived in.  Let’s not be victims of the world we live in.

Never again.

This Pesach, I’m setting myself free!

The great thing about Passover for Jews, is that you can be sure on Friday night, Jews all over the world whether, orthodox, progressive or secular will be participating in a Seder to mark the beginning of Pesach and will be retelling the story of the Exodus.

Seder is one of those landmark events that makes us reflect on the year that has past. We remember those who are not with is this Seder, we reflect on how much our children have grown up since last year and we think about how much has changed in our lives since the previous year.

This year I’ve read a great deal about the meaning of the Exodus story and how it’s our moral imperative to include in our Seder the plight of those who are still exploited such as child labourers and women. In decades passed we have been urged to remember Soviet Refuseniks, those suffering in an Apartheid South Africa and this year we have been urged to remember those in Syria who are fighting for their freedom. However, whilst these things will be featuring at our Seder this year, I am calling attention to the newest type of slavery, an affliction that affects us all; the burden of being constantly in contact.

Last week, Rabbi Miriam Berger said in an interview with the Jewish Chronicle that “many of us should put a blackberry or apple on our Seder plate to represent the technology and pace of life which enslaves us today”. Never a truer word said in jest was my response. Having just spent a weekend as an emergency contact with parents whose children were on trips in Amsterdam and Prague I truly felt the burden of responsibility and I felt as if my freedom had been taken away. Not because I was being exploited or taken advantage on but the fact that I had to be on the other end of the phone if I was needed meant that what I did was restricted.

As more of us than ever have Facebook and Twitter accounts, blackberry’s and I-phones the ability to stay in touch is truly amazing. I and others are in contact with people I never would have been in contact with had it not been for modern technology. Births, engagements and career changes have all been announced via Facebook. Opinions and reactions to current events are shared via twitter. PDA’s been that the office is with us wherever we go. Basically, the yoke of technology is strangling us but we are unable to shake it off.

So, what can we do about it? Well this Seder night for a start I am going to ask everyone to turn their phones off. There will be no virtual Seder at our house this year! I am also going to set myself a challenge for Pesach. I am going to celebrate freedom by not checking my email first thing in the morning and last thing at night. If an email is not an emergency I am not going to reply to it on my day off! I am going to turn my phone off when I go to the cinema rather than put it on silent. Why am I doing all this? Because this Pesach, I am setting myself free from the technology that whilst amazing stops me relaxing!

Chag Pesach Sameach- May your retelling of the Exodus story be meaningful and may you always be free!