Even Tradition was revolutionary once!

Last week, I took the kids to see a very old friend of mine and her children.  Both sets of kids had been suffering from the general cough, colds and unexplained temperatures so had barely been out that week. With Five kids under six year’s old running around the house for three hours we decided mid afternoon to let them out into the garden. As ‘M’ and I sat in deckchairs watching them running around I noticed some brightly covered painted pots lined up along the patio.

‘What’s that?’ I enquired

‘That’s our Pesach sunflowers’ M responded. ‘Each year on Pesach, we buy some pots, paint them and plant sun flowers in them. Last year when my in-laws were here from Israel, they did theirs too. It’s become kind of tradition’

‘That’s amazing’ I replied

‘Not really’ she said, ‘it’s just something we do. It marks the beginning of Pesach and the beginning of spring’

I think that it is a truly lovely tradition. ‘M’ pointed to last year’s pots, neatly stacked by the side of the patio and looking at them I realised that it was a fabulous way to look at how the children have changed and developed in the previous year. It is also a great way to get your children excited about a festival or yearly event. Of course we have Seder at Pesach, Light the Chanukiah on Chanukah and eat cheesecake on Shavuot but do we do anything that is particularly associated with our family? Not really.

As Jews we are told from a very young age that tradition is important. Preserve your Judaism, Don’t assimilate and retain your Jewish identity our Jewish educators tells us. However, even the greatest of traditions started off as something revolutionary. In a few weeks time it is Purim and it is our obligation to listen to the Megillah. However, it is also tradition to boo the name of Haman. When Haman's name is read out during the public chanting of the Megillah in synagogue, the community engages in noisemaking to blot out his name. The practice can be traced back to the leading French and German rabbis of the 13th century in accordance with a passage in the Midrash, where the verse "Thou shalt blot out the remembrance of Amalek"  (Deut 25:19) A custom developed of writing the name of Haman, (a descendent of the Amalekites), on two smooth stones, and knocking them together until the name was blotted out. Some wrote the name of Haman on the soles of their shoes, and at the mention of the name stamped with their feet as a sign of contempt. This custom was revolutionary at the time as it was thought to disturb the decorum of the synagogue but as years have gone by it has now become tradition.

While to ‘M’ her tradition was quite trivial, it was also a great way of marking a change of season, the beginning of a festival and that the family is together for it. It doesn’t matter that there was no religious link between the sunflowers and Pesach (apart from our dependency on sunflower oil for that week!) but it does mean that M’s children will forever associate Spring with Pesach with family and being Jewish, which is something as Jewish parents we are obliged to do.

My family don’t have any particular tradition at the moment. Sometimes just making sure we are altogether on a Friday night is hard enough but it has reemphasised to me the importance of creating traditions for you and your family that will engage you as a family in Jewish life

The casual racism we should all be afraid of

The first time I experienced anti-Semitism, I was just about to embark on my professional career. I don’t mean the kind of stares I experienced on my first trip to Poland with JFS, or the anti-Semitism I experienced when the boys from a rival comprehensive used to throw coins at us from the top floor of the bus whilst we walked to the station. I mean the first casual anti-Semitism. I was teacher training and my getting to know my fellow students in the staff room. One of them, lets name him Chris, dropped some money out of his wallet as he was buying his sandwich. ‘As he scrambled to pick his money up he laughed and said; “how Jewish am I?”  Everyone around us laughed except me as I had never heard anything quite like it. Having gone to JFS and then the University of Leeds to study history and economics there were no shortage of Jews in my social life and this was definitely a phrase I’d never heard before. The conversation went as follows:

“Excuse me” said I “I’m Jewish and I actually find that offensive”

An awkward silence ensued

“It’s only a saying” Chris responded.

“It might be only a saying but it’s an offensive one” I replied

“It’s used all the time where I come from” (Bury St Edmunds)

“It might be used all the time but it perpetuates a stereotype and is completely unnecessary”

“I don’t see what the big deal is but if it bothers you that much, I won’t say it again”

The fact that this casual phrase was clearly acceptable in Chris’ life shocked me. True to his word I never heard him utter that phrase again. However, during my years spent in front of the classroom I heard many more casual references from children as young as eleven using the ‘N’ word (not in the historical context) and talking about going to the ‘P’ shop at break.  Frequently, children would call each other ‘gay’ when they did or said something different from the norm. These words were not shocking to other pupils or their parents I later found out, only to me. Was I closeted as a child I wondered? Was I really that naive? Was I just a nice Jewish girl stepping out of her comfort zone for the first time? Maybe the answer was yes to all three questions but the use of these words just didn’t sit well with me.

What has got me thinking about this again is the recent fiasco at JFS about a teacher referring to JONAH (the organisation that believes it can cure homosexuality) at the end of a religious studies lesson. As a former pupil I remember the culture that existed at JFS when I was a pupil. Jewish kids weren’t gay was the general attitude of the staff (Jewish kids didn’t take drugs either but that is another blog on another day) and homosexuality was never even discussed, let alone in a Religious studies lesson. Therefore, as a Jewish educator I am delighted that the Jewish studies curriculum has evolved in the past twenty years. However, my issue is that as a teacher the reference to JONAH was part of a plenary, the ending of the lesson which is actually the most important part as it is more likely to be remembered by pupils and leave a lasting impression. Had I been a member of that class I might have thought that being gay was a lifestyle choice, frowned upon by the Jewish community. Thank goodness I am secure enough in my  own values that I know accepting LGBT Jews into the progressive community is as important as accepting those who convert or those who are from mixed-faith backgrounds. However, the reference to JONAH in a lesson is not even the most disturbing thing about this whole episode. The fact that is, is that JFS, despite pleas from former pupils, has refused to meet representatives from Keshet to discuss ways in which to present a balanced debate in the future. They have refused to acknowledge that there is a distinct lack of support from those students who are openly gay and furthermore, they have suggested that all pupils have a wonderful time and experience at the school. I think that this shows that JFS is once again failing to accept that the Jewish community has moved on since JFS’s founding. The pupils that go there are in the main fifth or sixth generation British Jews, fully integrated and afraid of nothing! The majority of JFS pupils might live in North London but this doesn’t mean that they live in a shtetl. They are British citizens and with this responsibility comes an acknowledgement and acceptance of multiculturalism. Most areas of society have accepted those who are LGBT and schools need to do the same by acting against those who use the term ‘gay’ as an insult and by not referring to organisations such as JONAH without allowing discussion or presenting alternative organisations that embrace and accept homosexuality. Until this happens this casual homophobia (and the causal anti-Semitism that I experienced as a young teacher) will continue. What are JFS afraid of?

Dear Rabbi, my son has eaten a pork sausage

Dear Rabbi,

After much deliberation my husband and I decided to send my son to a Jewish school. We were unsure about bringing our religion and practice into his mainstream education but went to visit the school and it seemed like a happy place and so we made my choice.

However, things have not gone as well as I hoped. My son is happy, has made new friends and is learning to read and write quite happily. He has enjoyed learning Hebrew and Jewish studies. He was delighted to be chosen to take the Shabbat Box home for the weekend. He was quieter and more engaged in the synagogue service then before. All in all, we feel we have made the right choice.

However, for the first time in his life, my son ate a pork sausage last week. ‘Where were you?’ I hear you cry; ‘Why did you not prevent such as occurrence?’ The answer was, was that he was at a classmates party. The tea consisted of Pork sausages and ham and cheese sandwiches. Another parent told him he must have sausages or a sandwich before he had any cake. My polite son duly obliged. The parents were not parents of a non-Jewish member of the class; in fact both parents are Jewish. Am I wrong to be troubled by this Rabbi and how do I stop this from happening again?

Please advise

A troubled parent

Dear troubled Parent

It is a fact of life that we cannot be there for our children all the time, so firstly don’t feel guilty. Secondly, you should be proud that your son listened to another adult and did what he was supposed to do. However, what you need to ask yourself is why you didn’t feel it necessary to discuss your son’s dietary requirements with the host of the party. I’ll tell you why... it’s because you felt that as your son was at a Jewish school there was no need to discuss levels of kashrut with other parents. Moreover, you made the mistake of thinking that all parents felt the same way about being Jewish as you and your family. What you should realise is that some families send their children to Jewish school to learn about being Jewish rather than live Jewishly. It is a great way to ensure that your child learns the rules of kashrut, the sanctity of Shabbat and the stories behind the festivals of Pesach, Chanukah and Succot rather than you having to do any of those things at home. So with this reality, how do you move forward? Do you not let your child go to his classmate’s parties? No of course you cannot do that? But should you teach your son exactly what he can and cannot eat and why? Yes you should. Once your son understand his Jewish identity a little more he will have the strength to respond to a parent when he is told to eat the pork or ham in front of him! As a parent, you are destined to always wonder if you have done the right thing by your children. But be reassured; giving your child the knowledge to make his own informed choices about Judaism is doing the right thing

Yours, Rabbinically

Rabbi

Please note that no parents or Rabbi's have been hamred in the writing of this blog