Friday 27 July 2012

A musical Utopia


I have always considered myself somewhat musical although the only place that my singing has been good for is the shower and the car. I haven’t picked up an instrument since learning to play Maoz Tsur on the recorder when I was at Primary school and wouldn't exactly say I had ‘the voice’ However, in recent weeks I have been reminded just how much I like music and that I used to spend every spare bit of cash I had on CD’s.
A friend of ours who regularly is in London on business and uses us as his base spent the evening with us several weeks ago. We spent the evening reminiscing about songs from our late teens and university years and singing at the top of our voices. It was the best evening I’ve had in a while (which possibly says more about me than I’d care to admit!)
This Shabbat I am in West Wales. I am currently looking out at the Irish Sea hoping to see an Orca or some sort of wildlife that makes me feel that I am at the edge of the world. There is no phone signal and the only connection with the outside world is wifi in a small office which often has several people sitting in checking and responding to emails. There is something great about being unconnected and as the drama of the London Olympics begins it is quite nice to be far from the maddening crowd.
However, there is something strange going on in this micro community that has been created and that it music. Cantor Zoe Jacobs and the musical maestro that is Josh Nelson are teaching a group of 60 teenagers how to song lead. Their enthusiasm and love for music has affected all of us and will inspire approximately five hundred young people who have chosen to have an RSY-Netzer summer. It has shown me that you don’t have to be musical to be inspired. Music does do wonderful things for people. Whether you are a One Direction or a Beethoven fan, the wonderful things about music is that you get lost in it. It can make you happy, sad, inspired, excited and wistful of the past, present and future. It is a mood changer. A life time of my memories (and yours) is associated with music.
This Shabbat on RSY-Netzer we have created a real moment. An opportunity to use our voices and rhythm to engage and inspire and create moments in the lives of our participants. Josh Nelson sings Dor V’ador, from generation to generation and today I have witnessed the transmitting of Jewish music, its meaning and its memory making.
As Shabbat draws near and the atmosphere on camp starts to change I find myself missing my boys singing Shalom Aleichem. However, as my musical epiphany continues I find my soul warmed at the fact that Shabbat angels are being sung a wonderful welcome all over the place!

Sunday 8 July 2012

The Making of a Mensch


In December 2011, I was privileged to meet Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, one of the Rabbi’s at Temple Am Shalom in Illinois. Rabbi Sommer is one of a relatively small but growing group of US Rabbi’s who are working tirelessly to encourage communities to send their kids to camp during the summer. Many of the things she said in our conversation resonated with me in terms of what I could take back to my community but also what she said about being a parent and how we use our own experiences to make choices for our children in the hope they will do better than we did. What I have learnt since, is that my children live in an entirely different world to me and my husband. The world is smaller and more open than ever and our children live in a society where everything is a race.
This week,  my son came home with his first school report. Now obviously we think our kids are particularly spectacular but it is somewhat of an ego boost when other people comment to that effect regarding your kids. During a week in Tuscany for a family wedding, our relatives, young and old would say to us; “aren’t they good”, “don’t they get on well” with looks of incredulity on their faces because two boisterous boys clearly couldn’t be counted onto behave. But they did. They coped with the late nights, the adult conversations, the hanging around because it took an hour for all the family to get anywhere and we were proud. We congratulated ourselves on having such wonderful children, who miraculously were able to behave in restaurants, be quiet during the chupah and smile when the photographers were taking their one millionth photo.
OJ’s school report seemed to confirm what we already knew; that he was a quiet, good natured boy who acted compassionately and with respect towards his peers and teachers therefore making him popular with everybody. He is a boy who enjoys school, shows commitment to learning and self discipline. This is nothing we don’t already know but to hear it from someone else is mind-blowing. Do I want to shout it from the rooftops I asked my colleague and friend, Rachel the following day? Do I want to be one of those parents who tell everyone, how wonderful and advanced he is at the tender age of 5 (even though as a newborn he had a fairly dodgy start). Do I want to tell my family, my friends and my community that he is the Moses they are looking for? Do I want to become the parent who declared that their child slept through at four weeks, or who sat up at three months and walked at eight? Do I want to be the parent who brags to the point where I put such a tremendous amount of pressure on the child to be perfect that I cause him to rebel? 
As parents living in a competitive, busy and driven world where educational, financial and social success means everything are we damaging our children by singing their praises to the world? Rabbi Sommer told me that her greatest parenting achievement was being told by one of the counsellors (youth leaders) on Camp Osrui[i], that her son was becoming a mensch. As she said it she became emotional and I thought that is all I want my kids to be. Sure, I want OJ to be a rabbi (I think singing the Shema to himself whilst he is on the toilet might be a good sign!) or a doctor (he has diagnosed me with several ailments including a broken leg!) Sure, I want OJ to do well at school and not struggle with algebra, French or Art as I did. However, what do I want most? I want him to be a good person, someone who is happy in their own skin, someone with the confidence to do what is right (even if it is not popular)... in short a mensch! If his school report is anything to go by, he might actually become one.
So how did we react to this school report? After speaking to our parents and deciding to scan it so we could email a copy to OJ’s aunt who is on a ten month honeymoon with her new husband, we gave him a kiss and told him we loved him at that we were proud to be his mum and dad. There were no gifts or expensive gestures. It was business as usual... after all should we reward our lovely boy for being himself or just expect it?


[i] Osrui is a URJ camp situated in the wilds of Wisconsin, USA. For more information please visit www.osrui.urjcamps.org