Shaking up the Seder

Every Seder, before we begin the narrative of the Exodus story, we hear the story of four sons; the wise son, the wicked son, the simple son and the son who is unable to ask. Why do we read about these four sons? As usual different Rabbi’s have different theories on why the four sons are included in the ritual of Seder night. Some suggest that the story shows that it is a parent’s duty to ensure that the Exodus story is transmitted to all. Others state that the story of the four sons was the earliest sign of inclusion within the Jewish community and the Rabbi’s included it in the Haggadah to emphasise the duty of Jews to include all. In recent years there have been to tell the story of the four women in the Exodus story instead of the four sons and there has even been a talk of including a fifth son into the Pesach Story as the Jewish community is more diverse than ever.

However, as with all narratives and interpretations, to avoid becoming irrelevant, religious leaders have to adapt them to suit our increasingly diverse society. This year more families than ever are likely to have a non-Jewish visitor at their Seder. Families are more likely to have members of different religious observance. In fact our Seder table is more diverse than ever and I think the story of the four sons is an ideal way to complement these changes. Maimonides’s teaching that “One must make a change in the Seder (routine) on this night so that the children will take note and ask, and say “How different this night is from all other nights enables us to play with the traditional routine of the Seder. So therefore, in the spirit of change I offer you this alternative!

The Four Jewish Teens  

THE ‘WISE’ TEEN – The super engaged teen.  This teen is involved in Jewish life in every manner possible: an active participant in formal and informal programming.  This teen enthusiastically attends synagogue and youth movement events, works or is training to be a madrich/a, goes to Jewish summer camp and actively seeks out social opportunities with Jewish friends. This teen lives Jewishly not necessarily just in practice but in culture.

THE ‘WICKED’ TEEN – This teen has expressed an explicit desire not to be involved.  They saw their Bar/Bat Mitzvah as a ‘rite of passage’ party, rather than taking on the responsibilities of becoming a Jewish adult. They might go to a Jewish school but that is all being Jewish really is; something they learn about.

THE ‘SIMPLE’ TEEN – The minimally engaged teen.  This teen attends events because his/her parents want them to or their friends do, but they have little interest in what actually goes on there. This teenager does not make a concerted effort to make new Jewish friends. This teen will go to synagogue on High Holy Days or when their parent tells them to but whilst this teen is present; they’re not invested in the experience.

THE TEEN ‘WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO ASK’ – The under-engaged teen.  This teen has had little opportunity to be involved in the Jewish community, and doesn't even know what is there for them.  This teen has disappeared from Jewish life because they are simply unaware of what involvement opportunities were there for them, nor were they encouraged by parents or peers to participate.

Catching Kony

I like many others, have been upset and horrified by the short film titled invisible children. The film for those who haven’t seen it, highlights the plight of Uganda’s child soldiers and the actions of Joseph Kony’s Lord Resistance Army. This group of rebels takes children away from their parents and turns them into soldiers, prostitutes and drug addicts. Their objective is not political but is only to increase a climate of fear and power in the region which it operates. This appalling treatment of children does nothing to help Uganda or its neighbours move away from remaining a third world country.

So what do the film maker’s actually want us to do? They want us to campaign, raise awareness and help bring Kony to the International Criminal Court. However, even with twenty-two million hits on you tube is that any closer to happening? The cynics have come out in droves claiming that only 30% on the charities income goes to African projects and the rest is spent on staff wages and lobbying. The Today programme on BBC Radio four suggested that issues going viral do absolutely nothing to help a cause, and after I watching the video (on Erev Purim), I made Hamentaschen with the kids.

As Jews we have an obligation to “Justice, Justice, you shall pursue” (Deuteronomy 16:20) Does this mean we should join the campaign? Should we be lobbying our politicians to put pressure on Uganda to use more government troops and resources to track Kony down and hand him over to the ICC? Should we be showing this is our assemblies, youth clubs to highlight and educate our youth about other less fortunate than them? Should I be giving my monthly donation of charity to this organisation? Should I be ordering an action pack and car sticker? There are so many things that I could do to raise awareness and to help.

However, do invisible children really need my help? Will sending Kony to The Hague allow Ugandan children to live without fear and hope for a brighter future? Will it solve the huge psychological issues and permanent fracturing of Ugandan society that the LRA have created? Will the LRA cease to exist because of the arrest of one man? We have already seen that the death of Osama Bin Laden has not removed the threat of terrorism so why is the LRA any different?  Perhaps Uganda needs to focus on its other issues and challenge those who are still practicing female circumcision, those who are bystanders to the high rates of physical abuse that takes place at home and at school. What Uganda needs is help is our support in developing its educational programmes and its economic and social infrastructure. What Uganda needs is a change in culture that make child exploitation in any form completely unacceptable. For Uganda to develop as a strong country, its children need to live free from fear of the LRA but also their carers and educators. As Jews we have the obligation to pursue justice. In the case of Uganda, we should pursuing the cause of children throughout the country, not just those affected by the terrible acts of Joseph Kony and his relatively small band of LRA followers. Let’s give Ugandan children the tools to improve their lives and move on from the traumas that their childhood has inflicted upon them. Let’s support them by enabling them to break the cycle of violence that so many of them are part of.  Let’s support them by getting people on the ground to educate them and empower them to change the country which is their own. Maimonides suggests that the best way of giving charity is giving money, a loan, your time or whatever else it takes to enable an individual to be self-reliant. In this manner a gap year student teaching children how to read would have much more of an impact than writing out a cheque, of which a small proportion benefits Ugandan children. While the US government sends troops to Uganda to help track Kony down, is this really going to improve the lives of these children. This video, whilst compelling, raises awareness but the film makers’ job is by no means done. When things go viral, they become yesterday’s news very quickly. How will the team from invisible children turn this film into something meaningful in the long term? 

Purim- Not just for children!

Purim is often seen as the children’s festival. ‘Come to us for a Purim party’, we are told, ‘get your child’s fancy dress costume from this website’, ‘Put fruit in your child’s mishloach manot gift’ and get them to ‘decorate your hamentaschen’. Purim was my favourite festival when I was young. I loved the fancy dress parade, decorating the Mishloach Manot box, being encouraged to shout and scream during assembly and the Megillah reading.  I loved that at my Jewish Day School Purim was a day separate from the rest of the year, we even used to be given orange juice to drink instead of water for school dinners! However, as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that the festival of Purim is for so much more than the kids! It’s also a festival for women as well.

I am blessed to be from a long line of strong women. My maternal Grandmother grew up during the Blitz, was a widow before she was fifty and carried on working up in the city as a legal secretary until she was seventy-six. She was stubborn but strong, amazingly modern yet traditional (she never used the washing machine on Shabbat!) and was a wonderful listener. She always gave me advice but never told me what I should do. My mother too was a strong woman. Having lost her father only a few months before she married, she organised her wedding, stood up to a difficult mother in law, nursed a very sick child, ran a home, held down a full time job, and kept us all moving as a family. My mother and grandmother thankfully, are not isolated cases of women who were strong. There are women throughout history who have found themselves in vulnerable positions because of their gender and sought against all odds to challenge this perception.

In the Book of Esther, the two female protagonists, Vashti and Esther take a stand against this position. Vashti pays a high price for her dignity when she is banished from the palace for refusing to dance at the king’s drinking party. Esther, who is chosen as Vashti’s successor in a beauty pageant, fears for her very life in approaching the king without his express request to see her. In Ancient Shushan, women are expendable, merely objects to entertain or to be admired, and can be disposed of at will. The men of the story worry what might happen if women are given too much free will? Memuchan (who the Talmud claims is actually Haman), one of Ahashverosh officers, warns the king of the dire consequences of Vashti’s rebellion:

Queen Vashti has committed an offense not only against Your Majesty but also against all the officials and against all the peoples in all the provinces of King Ahashverosh. For the queen’s behaviour will make all wives despise their husbands, as they reflect that King Ahashverosh himself ordered Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come…. If it pleases Your Majesty, let a royal edict be issued by you, and let it be written into the laws of Persia and Media…that Vashti shall never enter the presence of King Ahashverosh…. Then will the judgment executed by Your Majesty resound throughout your realm, vast though it is; and all wives will treat their husbands with respect, high and low alike (Esther 1:16-20).

Memuchan’s anxiety about what would happen if women did not have the proper respect for their husbands seems humorous to us now, but in fact, our world is not so different from the world of Shushan. Discrimination and violence against women are both national and communal problems. Jewish Women’s Aid states that 25% of women will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime. Furthermore they estimate that two women each week are killed by their husbands or partners and that every minute of every day a woman calls the police to report an incident of abuse. With statistics like these, it is important to look at the actions of Esther and Vashti, to understand the world in which they lived and more importantly to understand that some women still live in this kind of environment, an environment where to speak out has a dire consequence. Jewish Women’s Aid and the National End Violence against Women (EVAW) Campaign aim to encourage women to be strong and speak out against this violence and injustice as well as for violence against women to be understood as a cause and consequence of women's inequality.

So whilst I don’t intend to dampen the notion that Purim is a joyful festival that is about the children and a great way to engage your children in being Jewish, it is also about the Vashti’s and Esther’s of the 21^st century who are controlled and live in fear of their partners. So if you do one thing Jewish this Purim that isn’t for your children, think about how you can raise awareness of domestic violence in your community because it is in your community, somewhere.