Dear Rabbi, my son has eaten a pork sausage

Dear Rabbi,

After much deliberation my husband and I decided to send my son to a Jewish school. We were unsure about bringing our religion and practice into his mainstream education but went to visit the school and it seemed like a happy place and so we made my choice.

However, things have not gone as well as I hoped. My son is happy, has made new friends and is learning to read and write quite happily. He has enjoyed learning Hebrew and Jewish studies. He was delighted to be chosen to take the Shabbat Box home for the weekend. He was quieter and more engaged in the synagogue service then before. All in all, we feel we have made the right choice.

However, for the first time in his life, my son ate a pork sausage last week. ‘Where were you?’ I hear you cry; ‘Why did you not prevent such as occurrence?’ The answer was, was that he was at a classmates party. The tea consisted of Pork sausages and ham and cheese sandwiches. Another parent told him he must have sausages or a sandwich before he had any cake. My polite son duly obliged. The parents were not parents of a non-Jewish member of the class; in fact both parents are Jewish. Am I wrong to be troubled by this Rabbi and how do I stop this from happening again?

Please advise

A troubled parent

Dear troubled Parent

It is a fact of life that we cannot be there for our children all the time, so firstly don’t feel guilty. Secondly, you should be proud that your son listened to another adult and did what he was supposed to do. However, what you need to ask yourself is why you didn’t feel it necessary to discuss your son’s dietary requirements with the host of the party. I’ll tell you why... it’s because you felt that as your son was at a Jewish school there was no need to discuss levels of kashrut with other parents. Moreover, you made the mistake of thinking that all parents felt the same way about being Jewish as you and your family. What you should realise is that some families send their children to Jewish school to learn about being Jewish rather than live Jewishly. It is a great way to ensure that your child learns the rules of kashrut, the sanctity of Shabbat and the stories behind the festivals of Pesach, Chanukah and Succot rather than you having to do any of those things at home. So with this reality, how do you move forward? Do you not let your child go to his classmate’s parties? No of course you cannot do that? But should you teach your son exactly what he can and cannot eat and why? Yes you should. Once your son understand his Jewish identity a little more he will have the strength to respond to a parent when he is told to eat the pork or ham in front of him! As a parent, you are destined to always wonder if you have done the right thing by your children. But be reassured; giving your child the knowledge to make his own informed choices about Judaism is doing the right thing

Yours, Rabbinically

Rabbi

Please note that no parents or Rabbi's have been hamred in the writing of this blog