Have many friends do I have?

I didn't join facebook until 2009 so was quite a late starter in the social media world. At first I thought it was because I didn't want to get back in touch with those who were no longer part of my life. Then I thought it was because it wasn't necessary to let people know that my left knee had turned purple because I had walked into a filing cabinet the previous day. Then I worried about my house being burgled if I announced on fb that I was enjoying two weeks in the Maldives and then I worried about strangers looking at photos of my children. When I did eventually sign up it was almost by accident. A parent at work complained that a youth leader had posted something on facebook about a youth event. To find the said comment I had to set up an account and without even knowing it my relationship with facebook began.

So what do I use facebook for? Well, on Sunday it was a great way to connect with one of my oldest and dearest friends. Her daughter was having a tantrum in Westfield and she had posted a photo of it on said website. I was stuck in a traffic jam queuing to get into Westfield, saw the photo, phoned her straight away and we met up for a good catch up.

I also use the said website to connect with friends that I had in my misspent youth. Many a facebook status has been spent reminiscing about Jimmy Saville impressions, bar brawls and camping by the Dead Sea that was part of my year course experience.

The said website also became a way for two of my friends to announce the birth of their children. In fact, when I noticed that one heavily pregnant friend had stopped updating her status regarding her swollen ankles I wondered if she had actually gone into labour. ‘No such luck’ she texted me back, ‘wireless on phone’s not working properly’

Facebook has appealed to my voyeuristic side as well. Why has Benjamin ________ checked into the airport in Vancouver; where is he going? What does Katherine____ mean when she says she is having a bad day? FB is an ideal way to find out what people are up to and how they’re feeling. It enables charities and businesses to spread their message and it is one step to making the world that little bit smaller.

So, the question is; is Facebook harmless? In some senses it absolutely is but I do have one concern and this is something that has been on my mind for a while. To what extent are the friends we are sharing information with, actually our friends? One parent told me a couple of weeks ago that her daughter (who is about to go on Israel tour) now has 1,000 fb friends. That is 1,000 people knowing that she is nervous about her forthcoming drama exam, that she is delighted to be on tour 2 and that she is looking forward to her friend sleepover at the weekend because the said friend’s parents are away. Are these 1,000 friends going to wish her luck and tell her she’s amazing at drama? Are they going to tell her that tour 2 is indeed the tour to be on? Are they going to turn up at the sleepover? Who knows? The parent wasn’t delighted that their child was so popular but was concerned that the 1,000 friends were people she didn’t know and people her daughter barely knew. But although she barely knew them, they knew that she loved listening to glee on Spotify, that she supports spurs (kind of) and that she is a big fan of One Tree Hill. Is this OK?

As a parent of children who have not yet discovered facebook do I become one of those parents who ban their children from it and hope that they don’t then develop this secret life? Do I allow my children to enter the world of social media expecting that they make sensible decisions regarding giving out personal information; Or do I just close my eyes and hope for the best?

I suppose, the facebook issue and friends issue is an issue that should be discussed at ante-natal classes. It is OK to want to punch the child who snatched your child’s favourite toy at the toddler group (as long as you don’t actually do it). It is OK to want to follow your children into school on their first day and ensure that they eat all their lunch without you having to negotiate the nature of desert should they eat all their vegetables. Is it OK to cry when your children go off to camp for the first time (although not in front of them) and it is OK to insist that you know who your children’s friends are. My parents used to insist that they would pick me up rather than let me get a taxi and when I started driving they insisted that I had to call them if I was going to be later than a certain time (obviously the one time I didn’t they were sitting anxiously at the bottom of the stairs obviously wondering what ditch I was lying in!) And although I resented it at the time, in hindsight their behaviour was completely normal and OK.  I will be happy to pick my kids up from a party at midnight because it will mean that I know where they are.

In the world of social media and virtual community, we are more worried about our children than ever. However, that doesn’t mean we have to hark back to the simpler days of when we were young or just pretend that this world that your child is a part of doesn’t exist. What we must do is protect them and urge them to express caution when revealing information about themselves online. But what else should we do? Ensure we do exactly the same.